Just I Came Back Here
I came back to my town after a long time. From when I was born to when I graduated from high-school, I had lived in this town. After that, I have been here twice a year. And it was 4 years after I felt here, when I graduated the university, that I came back here again. This town was still calm, but I felt a little strange. It must be changed somewhere of this town.

I was walking a narrow street. It was only just wide enough for 2 people to pass each other the street extended to the hilly section with stone-steps and a stone pavement.
The steps isn't so steep, there were some steps here and there. I was walking up on the street with a calm feeling.
It was a warm and shiny day, because spring had come. And I was anxious about ultra-violet radiant, I continued walking. A salty and soft breeze brushed past my cheek. It took 5 minutes with slow footsteps, I arrived at the top of the hill.
But the top is just the top of the hill, surrounded by mountains on three sides. My purpose in coming to here was to see the view from here and also to check a special place. The special place was an old vacant western style house. It has been since I was a child.

And I had called it "The Secret Place". But now, it was not so special to me. Then I had felt it was like a miracle place, because when I was scolded by my parents, I escaped there, and I was recovered. Sometimes it had reeked of a maintenance person, but I had never met them.

Now, I felt it was an old-fashioned house, but it was different from other Japanese style old houses. I remembered that I had believed the house had been fashionable. When I was a child, I had often fantasised that there was a little beautiful girl, and we would become good friends. I entered the garden of the house remembering it.

I looked up at the house again. It felt smaller than before. Last time that I came here was when I was a high-school student, so my height hadn't changed. But I felt it. It might have changed my mind.

I passed through the garden gate --- it remembered just a form and went into the garden. I thought a little that it might be an illegal entrance, but it didn't matter to me. Because, I had entered there many times, and it was unlocked, and there weren't any border-lines. I crossed the garden with this excuse to myself.

The house had a balcony. I sat on the balcony base, and leaned on the balcony post. It was still vacant and it was still maintained. And the view from there was still unchanged.
Sometimes I heard the songs of the birds or the sounds from the next path when some people passed it. It was quite calm and I was really relaxed.

When I sat there, I felt the same feelings as high-school age, it made me a little happier. I imagined that I was still just a high-school student and my university experience was just a dream.
I hoped it but then I knew it was not real. I should work in this town, and I should get on with my colleagues. In university, I had got on with my friend, so I would fit in new situations.

I remembered my friends and a man. Actually, I couldn't get on with everybody, and so... Sometimes, I break off with somebody, he is one of them.He was my boyfriend. But our relationship had finished at the end of last year. Because, we must came back to our own house, and our houses were too far. I had believed that we could continue our relationship, but he hadn't. So we had often argued and got tired day and day. I decided to separate from him.

Now, I didn't know which was better. But then, I believed that that was true love. I was shedding tears silently, but I didn't know why I was shedding them. I couldn't stop shedding them for a few moments.

After I stopped shedding tears, I closed my eyes. The Spring sunshine shone down on my face. I became warmer and felt like floating in the air.
I thought it was none-sense that I was fettered by my past. Presently I'd have to work in a office as a respectable person, I was not a student already. I didn't regret the choice. I sighed. I wished I could melt in the air.

I didn't know myself, I would be sleeping. Suddenly, I heard a rustling sound. It seemed to come from the hedge behind me. I was surprised by the sound, I opened my eyes. A man was standing at the next garden gate. "Excuse me..." he said carefully. He might apologize for entering the garden, or he might apologize to me for his interruption.
"Don't worry." I said smilingly. And he smiled too.
His smiling face was gentle and calm. I felt a happy feeling and became warm heated. I thought his smiling face was better than any other young man's smile.It was gentle, heart-warming and precious.

"I'm sorry." he said and reversed his steps. I felt a little sorry, but more I was impressed with his smile and warmth.
"What you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabouts."
I said to myself. I had felt looking back, immediately I changed my mind and felt brighter. It was interesting to me that my mind changed so quickly and I laughed it. I thought I was a little selfish.

If I have partings, I will be alive because I can meet the other person. It is just truth. But it was important to me. It's means if I take a part of new place, I can get chances to meet new people. I decided to believe it.

The salty wind brushed past me again. It seemed to be saying "It's all OK".
I remembered his smile, and I stood by my decision.

After that, I met him in my office, but I couldn't remember this. It was after long time, I heard from him and I could remember this.


(c)Copyright 2003 Kisaragi@Iroha. All rights reserved. Never reproduce or republicate without written permission